queen of cups wants to be the queen of swords

The Queen of Cups wants to be the Queen of Swords. Sometimes.
pencil on paper

pierced heart

I was 17 when I made this one, used a pink eye-shadow, a black eye-liner, mascara and my fingers to do it. And I remember exactly where I was and what I was listening to while I was making it."#1 Crush" by Garbage was on repeat all the way trough.

Garbage "# 1 Crush"

The Scream - Edvard Munch

„I was walking along a path with two friends – the sun was setting – suddenly the sky turned blood red – I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence – there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city – my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety – and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature.“ – Edvard Munch on his inspiration for the „Scream“ - one of the most famous expressionist paintings of all time. Seeing this painting for the first time, a long time ago, made me fall in love with expressionism. It didn't depict a pretty scenery, it wasn't about some dreamy landscapes, it wasn't soothing, it wasn't nice, lovely, it wasn't painted realistic, and it certainly wasn't a beautiful sight. It was all about how it's like to experience something; it depicted an intense emotion, a state of mind, a real story that was far from real, a distorted perception, how what was inside got on the outside. I loved it instantly. Made me think. Feeling his scream and how he experienced it, then seeing the two other figures walking calmly behind him in the distance, completely unaware of what he is experiencing inside of his head made me think about how truly remarkable it is that we all experience reality differently – seeing it from within. I remember thinking – this is it, this is art. A perfect release and transference of emotion in material form – a masterpiece. (And I could never understand people who don’t get it).

Scream executed in oil, tempera, pastel on cardboard, in 1893 by Edvard Munch

Scream translated into a lithograph, in 1895 by Edvard  Munch

 Joy Division "She's lost control"

anxiety

Hm, how do you describe anxiety properly? I can't really think of anything except - war of nerves, a living hell? However, I do believe in "you'll never be given what you cannot handle". So maybe someday I'll be fine in real hell too. Not that I deserve hell, I'm just saying. Besides, you never know. And that's the worse thing about anxiety - knowing you can never ever know anything for sure. What if, what if, what if, what if, what if? The restlessness. And control. It's always been about control. The inability to control. Inability to relax. Insecurity. What's wrong? The adrenalin. So you run, as far as you can run. Because you're scared. And running away is the only thing to do when you're scared. But fear is nothing but an illusion and it's all in your head. Nevertheless, in the end you really do think you've finally found peace. In another illusion, in your own head again. And it's fine for awhile. Till it's time to run again. 

"When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go." - J.D.Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 6.

"I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it." J.D.Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 1.

Anxiety 1., pencil on paper,  2007.

Anxiety 2., acrylic on canvas, 2007.

Linkin Park "Crawling"

guilt

Guilt, a photo by Sonja B13! on Flickr.

Henry Miller once said: „ sin, guilt and neurosis - they are one and the same, the fruit of the tree of knowledge“. Without you even realizing guilt can really suck you up dry and gradually destroy your entire self. Makes you even envy the sociopaths from time to time. God I hate conscience.

Pencil on paper

A Perfect Circle "Gravity"

The Fantastic Laurie Lipton

If you’re into black, humor, provocative and disturbing you’re going to definitely love Laurie Lipton. One of the hardest techniques in visual arts is definitely pencil drawing. This, one of the most time-consuming techniques, takes a great amount of effort, patience, precision, persistence, attention to detail, talent and most importantly, true love for drawing to make a good outcome. However, when you look at the drawings of Laurie Lipton you cannot but think in the extremes when it comes to those factors. This is one truly outstanding artist whom you simply have to admire not just for her talent but for her obvious passion for drawing and her insanely unique style. Born in New York, Laurie started drawing at the age of four, has earned herself a Fine Arts Degree in Drawing, traveled across the world and has now become a part of the pop-culture. Her stuff is worn printed on celebrities’ T-shirts and other accessories these days since she started collaborating with AllSaints, a fashion company. On her official website she wrote: “it’s an insane way to draw, but the resulting detail and luminosity is worth the amount of effort. My drawings take longer to create than a painting of equal size and detail.” As for her inspiration, Laurie claims that she was mostly influenced by the work of Durer, Memling, Van Eyck, Goya and Rembrandt and the famous photographer Diane Arbus. And as for her style I guess the Guardian puts it best:” No escapism here; all dark corners are revealed. “Abounding with black humor, irony, symbolism, thoughts on sex, destruction, insanity, terror, death and the afterlife, this women’s work truly speaks for itself.

Hunger (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

Lifted (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

The Death Tarot Card (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

The Sel-Destructive Optimist (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipman

Love Bite (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipman

The Empress of Death (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

Reunion (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

Laurie Lipton for AllSaints

Avril Lavigne wears Laurie Lipton

Laurie Lipton on MySpace  

saudade

If people had no faces they could all make such perfect liars.

Saudade, Pencil on paper, 40X30cm

James Blake "The Wilhelm Scream"

crossing the line

Never knew there were limits, until I crossed them. All of them. It’s funny when you do that ‘cause you never think about the consequences until you’re all done with your line crossing. You don’t think about anything for that matter. And you should. Or maybe you shouldn’t? I don’t know. However, if you do cross them make sure you draw yourself a new line afterwards. Just in case.

Anyways, I stayed up all night last night painting this and while I was doing that the whole time I was listening to just one song. Over and over. So, here’s the painting and the song. In my opinion the painting fits the song, especially if you consider the fact I was moving my brush to the rhythm of it. And because they’re both about crossing the line.

Acrylic on canvas, 60x60cm. 

The Prodigy "Their Law"

like mother like doll

Sometimes, even a grown woman needs a doll around. Cause women and dolls have a special bond. Maybe it's because they're both used to suffering in silence when they're broken.

Acrylic on canvas, 45x30cm

Erik Satie "Gnossienne No.1"  

hello imagination

The key to creativity is to know how to search inside, look outside, see beyond, read between, dare to dream, follow the voice within, dig some more, think some more and to, most importantly, never and I mean never, by any means, pay attention to any limitations. Because, there are no limits unless you acknowledge their existence.  And if ever, at some point in time, you find your mind swirling with ideas, notions, images, thoughts flashing all over the place, coming back and forth, overwhelming like the weight of the world, and you see a man peep out your hat who says: “yes, you’re on the right track honey” and winks at you, then, by all means, wink back and do what he tells you. 

Acrylic on canvas, 60x35cm

Apparat "You don't know me"

the old hag being a perfectly honest bitch

When somebody shows you their work that they’re really enthusiastic about and you're not, what you really want to do is say: “yeah, you’re good, but you’re never going to be great”, but instead of saying all that you just say the first part out loud and keep the other one to yourself.  This one depicts the left out part. 

Pencil on paper. 

Moloko "Absent minded friends"

a golden boy getting lost in the woods

I once accidently encountered a golden boy while I was trampling trough woods near my house. I can’t tell which of the two surprised me more; to see anyone walk through those woods but me or that I will ever be in position to encounter such a peculiar character. It was late spring and he was wearing a black turtleneck, some brownish, funny looking trousers and I think I also caught a glimpse of vintage suede gloves sticking out of his left pocket. There certainly was something about his entire appearance, his golden locks and the way he combed his hair that looked so outdated.  He stopped and politely asked me if I happen to have a spare cigarette. I actually did so I gave it to him. And I don’t even know the reason why I stayed there for a while except the fact that I couldn’t stop staring. After he lit the cigarette he turned his head away to the other side and looked around a bit. Then he bit his upper lip, frowned, inhaled another smoke and while still looking away from me he asked: “You don’t happen to know a river around this area that starts with a letter A by any chance, do you?” There was no river around that area that started with a letter A, so I said no. He didn’t do anything when I told him that, he just kept on looking in the same direction for a little while. Then he finally turned his face towards me, smiled and said: “Okay, thank you for the cigarette.” “No problem.” I said and looked in his face. He didn’t look confused, and he didn’t look surprised either. He just looked a bit tired. Finally we both said goodbye and went our own ways.  

And it wasn’t only after a while that I started thinking that perhaps he got lost and that I could have told him there aren’t any rivers around the area that start with a letter A. I could’ve asked him why he asked about a river in the first place. But I didn’t do any of those two. All I did was think how silly his question was. And maybe he really did get lost in those woods but was ashamed to tell me that. But then perhaps it really wouldn’t matter what I said to him. Because, I was a wondering girl and you could tell, he once truly was a golden boy.

Acrylic on canvas, 40x30cm

Bjork "Venus as a Boy"  

jim

When you love your friends a lot you make them a painting of their favorite god. In red, black and white. This one’s for my friend whose Picasso’s biography I still use as coaster.

Acrylic on canvas 30x50cm

The Doors "The end"

the face of truth (nobody likes it and I really like the color red.and black)

First, I’m going to tell you why I like the color red, and then why I like black. In the end comes the truth. Red. ‘Cause it stands out, screams, shouts, makes no compromise. Black. You can never get enough of black unless you plan on dressing up as angel. Besides, black is always just black and also really great for drawing contours, and you can’t really do anything before you get your contours done.  The truth is all that except the contours part.  

Acrylic on canvas 40x30cm 

RATM "Calm Like a Bomb"

hiding from the sun

They say that when an artist paints a portrait it is never really a portrait of a person in the picture, but of an artist himself. True. But I also think the best thing is when he paints someone who is really close to him. Then it becomes hard to distinguish where one person ends and the other one begins. For, and that is also true, to become you, you first had to let others be a part of you. This is why this portrait of my sister doesn’t say much about me or her. Instead, what it really does - it tells about us.  

Acrylic on canvas, 40x30cm

Björk "Army Of Me"

birth of an obsession (a caged mind)

Painting is therapeutic. That is why I never want to stop doing it. You pour out what is within on a blank piece of paper and when you’re all done it becomes a snapshot of your state of mind. And if you were ever curious about how you look inside you should paint. Your canvas is your mirror and a finished painting is your reflection. What you see might not always be something that you like but it’s just like with any other snapshot; you’re not always pleased with how you look in them either. But, it still is another you in another time. And you don’t need to look perfect, just sincere. That’s all. No faking, no phony smiles. You even get to blink if you like. Because, imperfect is just perfect after all. 

"An obsession: a compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion accompained with anxiety."

Acrylic on canvas 40x30cm

Soap&Skin "Janitor Of Lunacy"

head in the clouds, feet on the ground - a free spirit

This is a portrait of a close friend of mine that I made for her birthday. And it really is true that if I could’ve said what she is like in words, I wouldn’t have had a reason to paint her. So, to sum up all that I know about her, this is who she is, and not in my words but in her own colors.

Acrylic on canvas, 40x30cm

 

Muse "Feeling good"

new year's prayer

Music can save your life. Once upon a time a soft voice of Jeff Buckley woke me up, said you’re not dead yet. And then it healed and it nurtured. And I didn’t even know how hungry I was. Or that I was wounded. I even wanted to send him a note saying it is eternal life after all. But I think that would've been stupid. Anyways, I painted this portrait of him instead and decided I want “New Year's Prayer “to play at my funeral. I just hope I won’t wait till then to stand behind my electric chair, dancing. 

Acrylic on canvas, 30x40cm 

Jeff Buckley "New Year's Prayer"

confusion

I hate confusion. And I’ve been confused more times than I can remember. You know what it’s like; you get a nasty, strange sort of feeling because all you really want is for things to be clear again, but you just can’t seem to get there somehow. It slips away no matter how hard you try. And the more you pray for clarity the more bewilderment you get. What was once up now it’s down. You’re getting lost and you can only stray further away. And I know someone once said that if you don’t get lost there’s a chance you may never be found but I still hate it. Plus, I get scared when I’m lost. It never brings me any good while I’m there. 

This painting is about seeing an old lady waiting for a bus on one late afternoon in spring holding her purple umbrella looking just so old and lost. And about me, being unable to get that image out of my head for a mighty very long time. 

Acrylic on canvas, 30x40 cm 

Heidi Elva "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter"

the coming of summer

I was always curious about how I would end up painting summer. And this is what I came up with. My aunt said he looks like a Polish boy standing on a beach somewhere in the Mediterranean. As he turns his back to the sun and eats a huge corn he realizes that his skin is burning. And, yes, I remember, summer sometimes does feel exactly like that. It burns your skin without you even realizing until you're finished with your corn. 

Acrylic on canvas, 35x45 cm.
 Portishead "Strangers"

honestly, darling, I no longer care about what you have to say

This painting I made reminds me so much of how it's supposed to feel at that one moment when you REALLY stop caring about what the other side has to say (and you used to so much). I guess you feel numb yet liberated, tired yet powerful at the same time. They call it the moment of clarity, the moment before you finally decide to leave the old and no longer useful behind. However, as for the moments of clarity, all I'm getting is moments.

Acrylic on canvas 55x40 cm.

 

Moloko "Forever more"