anxiety

Hm, how do you describe anxiety properly? I can't really think of anything except - war of nerves, a living hell? However, I do believe in "you'll never be given what you cannot handle". So maybe someday I'll be fine in real hell too. Not that I deserve hell, I'm just saying. Besides, you never know. And that's the worse thing about anxiety - knowing you can never ever know anything for sure. What if, what if, what if, what if, what if? The restlessness. And control. It's always been about control. The inability to control. Inability to relax. Insecurity. What's wrong? The adrenalin. So you run, as far as you can run. Because you're scared. And running away is the only thing to do when you're scared. But fear is nothing but an illusion and it's all in your head. Nevertheless, in the end you really do think you've finally found peace. In another illusion, in your own head again. And it's fine for awhile. Till it's time to run again. 

"When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go." - J.D.Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 6.

"I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it." J.D.Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 1.

Anxiety 1., pencil on paper,  2007.

Anxiety 2., acrylic on canvas, 2007.

Linkin Park "Crawling"

guilt

Guilt, a photo by Sonja B13! on Flickr.

Henry Miller once said: „ sin, guilt and neurosis - they are one and the same, the fruit of the tree of knowledge“. Without you even realizing guilt can really suck you up dry and gradually destroy your entire self. Makes you even envy the sociopaths from time to time. God I hate conscience.

Pencil on paper

A Perfect Circle "Gravity"

The Fantastic Laurie Lipton

If you’re into black, humor, provocative and disturbing you’re going to definitely love Laurie Lipton. One of the hardest techniques in visual arts is definitely pencil drawing. This, one of the most time-consuming techniques, takes a great amount of effort, patience, precision, persistence, attention to detail, talent and most importantly, true love for drawing to make a good outcome. However, when you look at the drawings of Laurie Lipton you cannot but think in the extremes when it comes to those factors. This is one truly outstanding artist whom you simply have to admire not just for her talent but for her obvious passion for drawing and her insanely unique style. Born in New York, Laurie started drawing at the age of four, has earned herself a Fine Arts Degree in Drawing, traveled across the world and has now become a part of the pop-culture. Her stuff is worn printed on celebrities’ T-shirts and other accessories these days since she started collaborating with AllSaints, a fashion company. On her official website she wrote: “it’s an insane way to draw, but the resulting detail and luminosity is worth the amount of effort. My drawings take longer to create than a painting of equal size and detail.” As for her inspiration, Laurie claims that she was mostly influenced by the work of Durer, Memling, Van Eyck, Goya and Rembrandt and the famous photographer Diane Arbus. And as for her style I guess the Guardian puts it best:” No escapism here; all dark corners are revealed. “Abounding with black humor, irony, symbolism, thoughts on sex, destruction, insanity, terror, death and the afterlife, this women’s work truly speaks for itself.

Hunger (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

Lifted (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

The Death Tarot Card (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

The Sel-Destructive Optimist (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipman

Love Bite (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipman

The Empress of Death (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

Reunion (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

Laurie Lipton for AllSaints

Avril Lavigne wears Laurie Lipton

Laurie Lipton on MySpace  

saudade

If people had no faces they could all make such perfect liars.

Saudade, Pencil on paper, 40X30cm

James Blake "The Wilhelm Scream"

the old hag being a perfectly honest bitch

When somebody shows you their work that they’re really enthusiastic about and you're not, what you really want to do is say: “yeah, you’re good, but you’re never going to be great”, but instead of saying all that you just say the first part out loud and keep the other one to yourself.  This one depicts the left out part. 

Pencil on paper. 

Moloko "Absent minded friends"

jim

When you love your friends a lot you make them a painting of their favorite god. In red, black and white. This one’s for my friend whose Picasso’s biography I still use as coaster.

Acrylic on canvas 30x50cm

The Doors "The end"

new year's prayer

Music can save your life. Once upon a time a soft voice of Jeff Buckley woke me up, said you’re not dead yet. And then it healed and it nurtured. And I didn’t even know how hungry I was. Or that I was wounded. I even wanted to send him a note saying it is eternal life after all. But I think that would've been stupid. Anyways, I painted this portrait of him instead and decided I want “New Year's Prayer “to play at my funeral. I just hope I won’t wait till then to stand behind my electric chair, dancing. 

Acrylic on canvas, 30x40cm 

Jeff Buckley "New Year's Prayer"