anxiety

Hm, how do you describe anxiety properly? I can't really think of anything except - war of nerves, a living hell? However, I do believe in "you'll never be given what you cannot handle". So maybe someday I'll be fine in real hell too. Not that I deserve hell, I'm just saying. Besides, you never know. And that's the worse thing about anxiety - knowing you can never ever know anything for sure. What if, what if, what if, what if, what if? The restlessness. And control. It's always been about control. The inability to control. Inability to relax. Insecurity. What's wrong? The adrenalin. So you run, as far as you can run. Because you're scared. And running away is the only thing to do when you're scared. But fear is nothing but an illusion and it's all in your head. Nevertheless, in the end you really do think you've finally found peace. In another illusion, in your own head again. And it's fine for awhile. Till it's time to run again. 

"When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go." - J.D.Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 6.

"I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it." J.D.Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 1.

Anxiety 1., pencil on paper,  2007.

Anxiety 2., acrylic on canvas, 2007.

Linkin Park "Crawling"

guilt

Guilt, a photo by Sonja B13! on Flickr.

Henry Miller once said: „ sin, guilt and neurosis - they are one and the same, the fruit of the tree of knowledge“. Without you even realizing guilt can really suck you up dry and gradually destroy your entire self. Makes you even envy the sociopaths from time to time. God I hate conscience.

Pencil on paper

A Perfect Circle "Gravity"

The Fantastic Laurie Lipton

If you’re into black, humor, provocative and disturbing you’re going to definitely love Laurie Lipton. One of the hardest techniques in visual arts is definitely pencil drawing. This, one of the most time-consuming techniques, takes a great amount of effort, patience, precision, persistence, attention to detail, talent and most importantly, true love for drawing to make a good outcome. However, when you look at the drawings of Laurie Lipton you cannot but think in the extremes when it comes to those factors. This is one truly outstanding artist whom you simply have to admire not just for her talent but for her obvious passion for drawing and her insanely unique style. Born in New York, Laurie started drawing at the age of four, has earned herself a Fine Arts Degree in Drawing, traveled across the world and has now become a part of the pop-culture. Her stuff is worn printed on celebrities’ T-shirts and other accessories these days since she started collaborating with AllSaints, a fashion company. On her official website she wrote: “it’s an insane way to draw, but the resulting detail and luminosity is worth the amount of effort. My drawings take longer to create than a painting of equal size and detail.” As for her inspiration, Laurie claims that she was mostly influenced by the work of Durer, Memling, Van Eyck, Goya and Rembrandt and the famous photographer Diane Arbus. And as for her style I guess the Guardian puts it best:” No escapism here; all dark corners are revealed. “Abounding with black humor, irony, symbolism, thoughts on sex, destruction, insanity, terror, death and the afterlife, this women’s work truly speaks for itself.

Hunger (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

Lifted (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

The Death Tarot Card (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

The Sel-Destructive Optimist (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipman

Love Bite (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipman

The Empress of Death (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

Reunion (charcoal and pencil on paper) by Laurie Lipton

Laurie Lipton for AllSaints

Avril Lavigne wears Laurie Lipton

Laurie Lipton on MySpace  

saudade

If people had no faces they could all make such perfect liars.

Saudade, Pencil on paper, 40X30cm

James Blake "The Wilhelm Scream"

like mother like doll

Sometimes, even a grown woman needs a doll around. Cause women and dolls have a special bond. Maybe it's because they're both used to suffering in silence when they're broken.

Acrylic on canvas, 45x30cm

Erik Satie "Gnossienne No.1"  

the old hag being a perfectly honest bitch

When somebody shows you their work that they’re really enthusiastic about and you're not, what you really want to do is say: “yeah, you’re good, but you’re never going to be great”, but instead of saying all that you just say the first part out loud and keep the other one to yourself.  This one depicts the left out part. 

Pencil on paper. 

Moloko "Absent minded friends"

hiding from the sun

They say that when an artist paints a portrait it is never really a portrait of a person in the picture, but of an artist himself. True. But I also think the best thing is when he paints someone who is really close to him. Then it becomes hard to distinguish where one person ends and the other one begins. For, and that is also true, to become you, you first had to let others be a part of you. This is why this portrait of my sister doesn’t say much about me or her. Instead, what it really does - it tells about us.  

Acrylic on canvas, 40x30cm

Björk "Army Of Me"

birth of an obsession (a caged mind)

Painting is therapeutic. That is why I never want to stop doing it. You pour out what is within on a blank piece of paper and when you’re all done it becomes a snapshot of your state of mind. And if you were ever curious about how you look inside you should paint. Your canvas is your mirror and a finished painting is your reflection. What you see might not always be something that you like but it’s just like with any other snapshot; you’re not always pleased with how you look in them either. But, it still is another you in another time. And you don’t need to look perfect, just sincere. That’s all. No faking, no phony smiles. You even get to blink if you like. Because, imperfect is just perfect after all. 

"An obsession: a compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion accompained with anxiety."

Acrylic on canvas 40x30cm

Soap&Skin "Janitor Of Lunacy"

head in the clouds, feet on the ground - a free spirit

This is a portrait of a close friend of mine that I made for her birthday. And it really is true that if I could’ve said what she is like in words, I wouldn’t have had a reason to paint her. So, to sum up all that I know about her, this is who she is, and not in my words but in her own colors.

Acrylic on canvas, 40x30cm

 

Muse "Feeling good"

honestly, darling, I no longer care about what you have to say

This painting I made reminds me so much of how it's supposed to feel at that one moment when you REALLY stop caring about what the other side has to say (and you used to so much). I guess you feel numb yet liberated, tired yet powerful at the same time. They call it the moment of clarity, the moment before you finally decide to leave the old and no longer useful behind. However, as for the moments of clarity, all I'm getting is moments.

Acrylic on canvas 55x40 cm.

 

Moloko "Forever more"